Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
