nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
