i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
