i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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