Can i not drive my cunt home
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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