Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He told me they were just razor bumps!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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