Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
