So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
