; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
