Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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