spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
