I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
