It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
