Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
being pregnant is like rehab
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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