you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
