you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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