She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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