My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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