You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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