we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
