Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
