I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
