Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
