I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
