Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
