his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
