Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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