Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
