Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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