i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
