What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
