everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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