There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize