As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
