Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
