Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
