I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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