I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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