We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
