I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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