Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i think i scared a bird with my dick
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
