She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
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