She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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