I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
