I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
