I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
