The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we're making bets on your personal life
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
