I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
did you just send me my own nude
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
