Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
