I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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