Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
