I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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