so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize