He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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