Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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