The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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