my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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