btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish you could order shots online.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
