Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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