if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
