Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
