Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
