If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just invented taco cereal.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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