Non-Jews are for practice
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
