Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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