i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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