At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
