My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
