so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
