I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
