i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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