She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
