if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
