First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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