you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
