I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
