I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
