just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
