Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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