A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
