While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
