whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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