I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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